Some days I sit and have a bunch to say. Other times I leave advice for CJ to follow. Tonight I am empty. All I ca do is look to God. When I came home today I needed to see my Princess. I need to look into her eyes. I needed to deliver a message to her. I needed to hold her and I needed to kiss her. I needed to comfort her and I needed to make sure she felt her Daddy's touch.
I struggle today because today two of my students stopped by and once again thanked me for the opportunity I had given them to attend a quality college. They mentioned that they felt like they had a family and that I was awesome. One asked to see a picture of CJ, the only one I had was of my family. She uttered the words picture perfect. Inside I broke into pieces, I crashed and I felt empty. I managed to say thank you but i know it was faint.
Just yesterday a litany about a few good men and what I should be for CJ and I let stupidity get the best of me. Now all I can do is pray. God is in control and I always preach and teach people and I always say I end up teaching myself. Looking back on what I taught yesterday I should have sat down and listened to me.
So I am currently on a quest. A quest to rise from the ashes. A quest to return to the place where God would have me. A quest to restore the foundation and become the man that was preached about yesterday. Yo know its really crazy to me I just taught about how things happen when it seems that you are doing OK. You get on cruise control and then the devil seeps in Well I have been a fighter before and I have to fight again. This time however it is for family, marriage, my Princess CJ and God. I will leave these words for CJ today. So she can have them when as her daddy felt all day long like throwing up and defeated. She can pull them out and say them. My grandfather prayed this prayer daily and I believe he was as righteous as you would find. Today I understand why he did so because you need the Lords covering daily. So CJ, this is a note for you and a note for Daddy today. I made a promise to you today that I vow never ever to break.
Psalm 51
1Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.
2Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
3For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
4Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
5Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
6Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
7Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
9Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
10Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
11Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
12Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
13Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
14Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
15O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.
16For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.
17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
18Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.
19Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.
As always remember to always pray because prayer changes things, people and situations.
