I have been a father for the past two months and some days now. I now look at life with a different set of eyes. I sit and reflect on our journey as a family together. I pour out my love for C.J. all the time. I have committed my life to ensure her well being and I do my best to make sure all her needs are met. As I made the long drive home today this thought came into my mind. "What does C.J. think about me?"
Now I know that I am presenting the argument that C.J. can process thoughts at this young age. Maybe she can, maybe she can not but the thought is a valid one.
What does she think when I hold her in my arms?
What dies she think when I give her kisses in the morning before I depart and at night when she is put to bed?
What does she think when she hears my voice?
What does she think when she sees me when she first wakes up?
What does she think when she hears me referencing her to others?
What does she think when I dance and sing with her?
What does she think as I feed her?
These questions came to mind as I drove along the highway. I wonder if she has a reaction or something else attached to each? Then I began to ponder when the response to each question would come? Will she be open and honest with me or will she sugar coat things? Whatever the response I get I am always going to think of how what I do has an effect on C.J.
I spoke with two of my students today and the conversation shed some light on how I would effectively communicate to C.J. where her daddy came from. As I shared with my students that because of God's grace and mercy and him blessing her daddy, she might not have to grow up where her daddy did. However I will make sure she is aware of how prayer, service and hard work helped me be able to provide something different for her. I do want her to embrace her surroundings but I want her to want to explore and embrace environments and people that are different from hers.
I will be anxiously awaiting the time when my answers are questioned. Until then, as always, remember to pray because prayer changes things.
