Today is blah! I think it is from the long weekend. Today I came home from work and went to sleep. So when I woke up at 9pm, I was all over the place. There was no C.J. time, there was no watching football together. I was wore out and fell out as soon as I hit the bed. I did not even eat dinner.
So my interaction with C.J. today was dropping her off and picking her up from the sitter. Which is not a good thing but today it was the reality. I would love for everyday to be filled with excitement between C.J. and Daddy but I have to make sure that happens.
I have to make sure that I am well rested so I can pay C.J. full attention everyday. I can not let the world that has become me tire me out so much that I can not control how my body responds. Today was a wake up call that I have a long way to go in freeing myself from the business that I have become. I am working on it but still have a ways to go.
C.J. is still doing well. She is sleeping through the night and getting on a schedule. Now this is a good thing because as we grow as a family (not in size at this point), we will need her cooperation to get to work on time, to get to church on time and to make plans as a family. As long as she gets sleep and allows Mommy and Daddy sleep, I believe we will be alright.
Like I said earlier I do not have much tonight. I spent it at work, driving and sleep and now I am going back to sleep so I will catch you all later. Before I go, one more thing, always remember to pray because prayer changes things.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Daddy Gone Bye-Bye
I hate that it has to be this way, but C.J. and I not seeing each other over the span of a weekend, is a reality. Now before you go and say I am a terrible parent, I did see my child every day this weekend, but the time was scarce. The first order of business was Men's Day at the church. Saturday and Sunday wake up times were early because I needed to be at the church ready to go by 7:45am. I also had to work this Saturday, which did not help things either. One good thing was that I had a chance to catch up with other family as we celebrated my little cousin's birthday. Then my usual Sunday activity was still on deck. Though I always come back and report to C.J. how her uncle played, I was torn ragged. So the little time I was in the house, all I wanted to do was feel the bed. However C.J. had other plans this morning, and even though I was tired, I had no problem tending to her every need because that gets me close to her.
Daddy being gone is already common to C.J. I am torn in so many directions on some days that I sometimes can not find time for myself. However when I do, like right now, it will be C. J. and I together. When I arrived home today I grabbed her up and we viewed the last football games together. These are the moments that will be memorable to me. The late hours where she and I interact, and we both are our crazy selves. This also give Mommy the break she deserves. She is really great... she never tries to give me ultimatums or nags me about my time away. Instead, she supports me in what I do, as long as the beneficiaries are my family, and if it brings me happiness. I appreciate her understanding and I encourage her to do the same when she needs time to herself. I know she worries about C.J., even when she is with Daddy, but I assure her that she and I will be OK.
I always try to make sure that I do not find myself away from home too much. I love coming home to my girls and relaxing as a family. I am still trying to balance those things out, which I know frustrates Mommy. It is taking longer than I would like, but all my ducks will soon be in a row. Daddy will always be gone bye bye at one time or another, rather it be business or pleasure. The one thing that will remain constant is that I will always be missing my baby while I am away. That is enough for me tonight. As always, remember to pray because prayer changes things.
Daddy being gone is already common to C.J. I am torn in so many directions on some days that I sometimes can not find time for myself. However when I do, like right now, it will be C. J. and I together. When I arrived home today I grabbed her up and we viewed the last football games together. These are the moments that will be memorable to me. The late hours where she and I interact, and we both are our crazy selves. This also give Mommy the break she deserves. She is really great... she never tries to give me ultimatums or nags me about my time away. Instead, she supports me in what I do, as long as the beneficiaries are my family, and if it brings me happiness. I appreciate her understanding and I encourage her to do the same when she needs time to herself. I know she worries about C.J., even when she is with Daddy, but I assure her that she and I will be OK.
I always try to make sure that I do not find myself away from home too much. I love coming home to my girls and relaxing as a family. I am still trying to balance those things out, which I know frustrates Mommy. It is taking longer than I would like, but all my ducks will soon be in a row. Daddy will always be gone bye bye at one time or another, rather it be business or pleasure. The one thing that will remain constant is that I will always be missing my baby while I am away. That is enough for me tonight. As always, remember to pray because prayer changes things.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
What Does She Think?
I have been a father for the past two months and some days now. I now look at life with a different set of eyes. I sit and reflect on our journey as a family together. I pour out my love for C.J. all the time. I have committed my life to ensure her well being and I do my best to make sure all her needs are met. As I made the long drive home today this thought came into my mind. "What does C.J. think about me?"
Now I know that I am presenting the argument that C.J. can process thoughts at this young age. Maybe she can, maybe she can not but the thought is a valid one.
What does she think when I hold her in my arms?
What dies she think when I give her kisses in the morning before I depart and at night when she is put to bed?
What does she think when she hears my voice?
What does she think when she sees me when she first wakes up?
What does she think when she hears me referencing her to others?
What does she think when I dance and sing with her?
What does she think as I feed her?
These questions came to mind as I drove along the highway. I wonder if she has a reaction or something else attached to each? Then I began to ponder when the response to each question would come? Will she be open and honest with me or will she sugar coat things? Whatever the response I get I am always going to think of how what I do has an effect on C.J.
I spoke with two of my students today and the conversation shed some light on how I would effectively communicate to C.J. where her daddy came from. As I shared with my students that because of God's grace and mercy and him blessing her daddy, she might not have to grow up where her daddy did. However I will make sure she is aware of how prayer, service and hard work helped me be able to provide something different for her. I do want her to embrace her surroundings but I want her to want to explore and embrace environments and people that are different from hers.
I will be anxiously awaiting the time when my answers are questioned. Until then, as always, remember to pray because prayer changes things.
Now I know that I am presenting the argument that C.J. can process thoughts at this young age. Maybe she can, maybe she can not but the thought is a valid one.
What does she think when I hold her in my arms?
What dies she think when I give her kisses in the morning before I depart and at night when she is put to bed?
What does she think when she hears my voice?
What does she think when she sees me when she first wakes up?
What does she think when she hears me referencing her to others?
What does she think when I dance and sing with her?
What does she think as I feed her?
These questions came to mind as I drove along the highway. I wonder if she has a reaction or something else attached to each? Then I began to ponder when the response to each question would come? Will she be open and honest with me or will she sugar coat things? Whatever the response I get I am always going to think of how what I do has an effect on C.J.
I spoke with two of my students today and the conversation shed some light on how I would effectively communicate to C.J. where her daddy came from. As I shared with my students that because of God's grace and mercy and him blessing her daddy, she might not have to grow up where her daddy did. However I will make sure she is aware of how prayer, service and hard work helped me be able to provide something different for her. I do want her to embrace her surroundings but I want her to want to explore and embrace environments and people that are different from hers.
I will be anxiously awaiting the time when my answers are questioned. Until then, as always, remember to pray because prayer changes things.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Shop Til You Drop!
So today I had to drop C.J. off and pick her up alone. This is the result of Mommy and Daddy both sleeping through their alarms, and Mommy running late for work. We will get better though. I guess those days of walking out the door by 6:30am are getting harder and harder.
Anyway, TGIF! What is a man to do? Go to chill with his boys, No! Does he go home and lay down to rest from a long week, of course not. Does he go home and do some writing or research that he needs to catch up on, who are you kidding? So what does he do you ask, he shops! Let me tell you, shopping for myself is always pleasurable but shopping for C.J. brings out my creative genius. If anyone knows me I like to be different, so of course when I am out shopping for her, I am looking to go where no one else goes and buy what no one else would buy. Hopefully my creative sense of style will rub off on lil C. J. when she begins to buy her own clothes, with my money of course. Which brings me to the thought of how will we address the issue of clothing in the Johnson household? Maybe I should be more specific...how will Daddy deal with C.J.'s sense of style?
I am telling you good people, the argument will happen. I can hear myself already saying...this is too low, this skirt is too short, those pants have too many holds, let's try to loosen them jeans a bit. Those are just the G-rated things I probably can say on here, but I bet as she gets older, I will have to be a bit more colorful. Start praying for me now, and pray for her double-fold. Jesus is the only one who can help either of us when the time comes.
As I walk around and see what little girls are wearing, I shake my head and say, "Oh my God" or "They are not 11 years old". It is frightening at times to see these young girls with no innocence. They dress as if they are hookers on the point and think it is cute. The only thing I can do is to teach C.J., as I do, that she is a priceless gem and that she should present herself to any and everyone with dignity and self-respect. Therefore her dress will reflect the confidence and power she possesses. I know some of you will say he is going to have that girl a wreck...I pray I will not. I just simply want to do what I feel so many fathers do not do and that is help my daughter understand the definition of a lady. Proverbs 31 will be a lot of help. I actually referred to that passage of scripture last night at a viewing and I want to instill virtue in C.J. now. (Note to you all, you will probably hear that passage of scripture used a lot. It is one blueprint of a lady.)
So I shopped for my lil homey today...some cute stuff too, but nothing that will mature here beyond her years. It is fun getting her things but I have to make sure she does not cut into Daddy's suit and bow-tie fund. I have to make sure the dad and daughter have swag together.
Well, I have a long weekend ahead of me and need to prepare. In the meanwhile, you folks can ponder on that, and read Proverbs 31 in your spare time. C.J. is well on her way to becoming a virtuous woman. Her daddy will do all he can to support her growth throughout her life too. Until we meet again, always remember to pray because prayer changes things!
Anyway, TGIF! What is a man to do? Go to chill with his boys, No! Does he go home and lay down to rest from a long week, of course not. Does he go home and do some writing or research that he needs to catch up on, who are you kidding? So what does he do you ask, he shops! Let me tell you, shopping for myself is always pleasurable but shopping for C.J. brings out my creative genius. If anyone knows me I like to be different, so of course when I am out shopping for her, I am looking to go where no one else goes and buy what no one else would buy. Hopefully my creative sense of style will rub off on lil C. J. when she begins to buy her own clothes, with my money of course. Which brings me to the thought of how will we address the issue of clothing in the Johnson household? Maybe I should be more specific...how will Daddy deal with C.J.'s sense of style?
I am telling you good people, the argument will happen. I can hear myself already saying...this is too low, this skirt is too short, those pants have too many holds, let's try to loosen them jeans a bit. Those are just the G-rated things I probably can say on here, but I bet as she gets older, I will have to be a bit more colorful. Start praying for me now, and pray for her double-fold. Jesus is the only one who can help either of us when the time comes.
As I walk around and see what little girls are wearing, I shake my head and say, "Oh my God" or "They are not 11 years old". It is frightening at times to see these young girls with no innocence. They dress as if they are hookers on the point and think it is cute. The only thing I can do is to teach C.J., as I do, that she is a priceless gem and that she should present herself to any and everyone with dignity and self-respect. Therefore her dress will reflect the confidence and power she possesses. I know some of you will say he is going to have that girl a wreck...I pray I will not. I just simply want to do what I feel so many fathers do not do and that is help my daughter understand the definition of a lady. Proverbs 31 will be a lot of help. I actually referred to that passage of scripture last night at a viewing and I want to instill virtue in C.J. now. (Note to you all, you will probably hear that passage of scripture used a lot. It is one blueprint of a lady.)
So I shopped for my lil homey today...some cute stuff too, but nothing that will mature here beyond her years. It is fun getting her things but I have to make sure she does not cut into Daddy's suit and bow-tie fund. I have to make sure the dad and daughter have swag together.
Well, I have a long weekend ahead of me and need to prepare. In the meanwhile, you folks can ponder on that, and read Proverbs 31 in your spare time. C.J. is well on her way to becoming a virtuous woman. Her daddy will do all he can to support her growth throughout her life too. Until we meet again, always remember to pray because prayer changes things!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Game Not Over
Tonight as I hold C.J. in one arm and type with the other I recall my childhood. The many simulations of this day that have occured. Even as a child I always thought of being a daddy. The only difference was that my child was never this small. I mean I have attended PTA meetings, walked my daughter down the aisle and even bought her a new car. My many wives and I were always so proud of our daughter too. If only this were grade school again...what a perfect world this would be.
Reality is that C.J. was not born as an adult. She will go through a developmental process which I will have to deal with. I think about all the things I will encounter during her lifetime: the first day of school, the first school dance, when she drums up the nerve to bring some boy to the house, her prom and graduation, the first day of college, graduate school and her receiving her doctorate. Not to mention, when she begins to bud, wears make up, her little friend comes to play for the first time, the first time her heart is broken, when she falls off her bike or doesn't make the team.
Boy oh boy does playing house sound so inviting now, but I know it is not there for me. C.J. is real, she eats, sleeps and breathes. When I get tired of her I can not simply say game over! I have to stick in there and tough it out, and help her be the best C.J. she can be!
I will leave you all now and catch you tomorrow. Until then remember to pray because prayer changes things!
Reality is that C.J. was not born as an adult. She will go through a developmental process which I will have to deal with. I think about all the things I will encounter during her lifetime: the first day of school, the first school dance, when she drums up the nerve to bring some boy to the house, her prom and graduation, the first day of college, graduate school and her receiving her doctorate. Not to mention, when she begins to bud, wears make up, her little friend comes to play for the first time, the first time her heart is broken, when she falls off her bike or doesn't make the team.
Boy oh boy does playing house sound so inviting now, but I know it is not there for me. C.J. is real, she eats, sleeps and breathes. When I get tired of her I can not simply say game over! I have to stick in there and tough it out, and help her be the best C.J. she can be!
I will leave you all now and catch you tomorrow. Until then remember to pray because prayer changes things!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Give Me More
So I talk to a friend and she tells me she wants more. Well, I am Frank Sinatra and I do things my way! I will take your suggestion and see how I may apply it or not. Tonight I presented a workshop and in my head the question arose. "What will C.J. learn from me?"
I say that because so much of who we are is learned behavior. I would like to think that C.J. will be a risk taker, open minded, one who likes to be challenged, one who values all people, one who is willing to explore and one who looks for the good in people. Hopefully she will learn this from watching her dad and mom.
As I have grown I have learned that children are impressionable. If you teach love they will love, if you teach hate they will hate. My niece was in church while I was preaching and she thought that I said that she did not have to share. She went weeks literally not sharing with anyone simply because her uncle "Rudy" said so. It was not until I was asked my her Pop to correct her that she changed.
The presentation challenged students to step out of their comfort zone and dare to be different. It is my pray that through a solid home foundation and by learning to accept all people for who they are that C.J. will not have a limited zone of comfort. This will make it possible for her to communicate with all people as MLK outlined it in most of his speeches.
As I play beat the clock I have no C.J. updates for today. Shatema did share that she was lifting that head well during belly time but me being away I did not have much interaction with my girl. However as usual she is always on daddy's mind. So with ten minutes to spare I meet the deadline to keep decent chronological order. As I go, remember to pray because prayer changes things.
Usually Shatema edits but she is sleep so their is no telling what is wrong or right grammatically. It is late and my brain is fried.
I say that because so much of who we are is learned behavior. I would like to think that C.J. will be a risk taker, open minded, one who likes to be challenged, one who values all people, one who is willing to explore and one who looks for the good in people. Hopefully she will learn this from watching her dad and mom.
As I have grown I have learned that children are impressionable. If you teach love they will love, if you teach hate they will hate. My niece was in church while I was preaching and she thought that I said that she did not have to share. She went weeks literally not sharing with anyone simply because her uncle "Rudy" said so. It was not until I was asked my her Pop to correct her that she changed.
The presentation challenged students to step out of their comfort zone and dare to be different. It is my pray that through a solid home foundation and by learning to accept all people for who they are that C.J. will not have a limited zone of comfort. This will make it possible for her to communicate with all people as MLK outlined it in most of his speeches.
As I play beat the clock I have no C.J. updates for today. Shatema did share that she was lifting that head well during belly time but me being away I did not have much interaction with my girl. However as usual she is always on daddy's mind. So with ten minutes to spare I meet the deadline to keep decent chronological order. As I go, remember to pray because prayer changes things.
Usually Shatema edits but she is sleep so their is no telling what is wrong or right grammatically. It is late and my brain is fried.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
They Grow Up So Fast
I have to let you all know that my daughter is sleeping through the night. I am proud of that too because it could be much worse. She is getting on schedule with Mommy and Daddy and it is a great thing for us all. We all get to where we need to when we need to be there.
A couple of things about today. I decided that I was going to arrange her marriage now. I contacted some friends that I know who had boys and told them to put in applications. My thought process is this, if I watch now and groom the young fella by the time she finishes her doctorate degree he will be ready. Straight through and she will be done by 30. I mentioned it to a few women...they laughed, the guys understood my feelings. I just want to rid myself of the whole dating era she will go through. She can date my approved boy and call it a career.
I also bought her a cell phone. Not a real one, sillies. It does flip open and make sounds but she can't call anyone on it. The phone is cute though even has a little mirror on it so she can see herself. This is just one of those toys that a daddy buys to help with development. At this age if a toy is not educational I do not want it. Mommy thought I was nuts but I like getting C.J. little things here and there...ok all the time...LOL!
Man I can not believe it has been two months and counting already. C.J. is getting so big and doing new things all the time. Someone said today, that soon it will be PreK, then Prom, then college! I said aaahhhhhhhhh! This is all coming too fast. That is why I must live day by day and try not to think about C.J. growing up because if I do, I will Peter Pan her and keep her little forever. Just playing, really I just want to make sure I am there every step of the way to usher her into each new milestone in life. Today kids grow up so fast, even my little nephew and niece are both in school and it seems like just yesterday that they were born.
So as I go to watch C.J. grow while sleeping, you all remember to pray as always because prayer changes things.
A couple of things about today. I decided that I was going to arrange her marriage now. I contacted some friends that I know who had boys and told them to put in applications. My thought process is this, if I watch now and groom the young fella by the time she finishes her doctorate degree he will be ready. Straight through and she will be done by 30. I mentioned it to a few women...they laughed, the guys understood my feelings. I just want to rid myself of the whole dating era she will go through. She can date my approved boy and call it a career.
I also bought her a cell phone. Not a real one, sillies. It does flip open and make sounds but she can't call anyone on it. The phone is cute though even has a little mirror on it so she can see herself. This is just one of those toys that a daddy buys to help with development. At this age if a toy is not educational I do not want it. Mommy thought I was nuts but I like getting C.J. little things here and there...ok all the time...LOL!
Man I can not believe it has been two months and counting already. C.J. is getting so big and doing new things all the time. Someone said today, that soon it will be PreK, then Prom, then college! I said aaahhhhhhhhh! This is all coming too fast. That is why I must live day by day and try not to think about C.J. growing up because if I do, I will Peter Pan her and keep her little forever. Just playing, really I just want to make sure I am there every step of the way to usher her into each new milestone in life. Today kids grow up so fast, even my little nephew and niece are both in school and it seems like just yesterday that they were born.
So as I go to watch C.J. grow while sleeping, you all remember to pray as always because prayer changes things.
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